There is not a single iota of doubt that raising your child with proper parenting is the most critical job that you can ever have. You may ask why it is so. The first and foremost cause of it is the fact that your parenting can have a long-lasting impact on the character and personality of your child while they grow up. It is not a matter of joke. How you raise your child to what environment you provide for your child; every single parenting feature can shape and mold the personality of your child. How your child turns up in the future as a human being is totally up to you.
There is no doubt that as a parent, we try our best to provide our child with emotional support, and with all the amenities we can afford. Yet there are certain zones we fail to bear a torch while raising our children because of our blind love to our child. We often fail to recognize the fact that we are sometimes suffocating our children with our intense love. We tend to think that it is our constant love that will do justice to our children’s personalities.
It is very accurate that we love our children. So it breaks our heart if we find that our children are hurt, be it physically, mentally, or emotionally. Due to that reason, we always try to be present in every single aspect of our children’s life. Sometimes we even hijack or intervene in the personal life of our children every time we anticipate that our children might get hurt. It is right to feel so. But we should put on a leash our overwhelming love for our children. Though we think that we are protecting our children, in reality, sometimes we are suffocating our children’s personal space. Giving that personal space to our child is very important for the substantial growth of his/her personality. So we need to discuss certain factors, establishing the fact that giving occasional personal space to our child is necessary for his upbringing.
Privacy in early childhood:
Firstly, when our child is only five or six years old, giving some personal space is very important. But the type of personal space will be different. We will provide a private space to our child at that age in the matter of selecting the color of the bag they will take to the school or the color of their clothes. It might seem unnecessary or insignificant. But trust the process. The seed of empowerment can be sowed in that early age subconsciously in your child. Giving your child the authority to choose the color of their clothes or school bag gives them a sense of individuality. They will start to ponder over their choice. If at first, they make some choice and later if they regret that choice, no need to worry.
Just keep in mind that they have learned a valuable lesson. The experience with their choice will shape his perception about what choice he/ she should make in the future. If every time you try to feed your children your own choice, the sense of individuality will not grow in their personality. They will always be dependent on you even when they have reached a certain age, and they need to make their own choice. So let them choose on their own. It is a necessary step. It will only make them more enriched as a human being.
Privacy at the beginning of adolescence:
Next, when your child is eight to twelve years old, giving them personal space means you should not control his friendship with other children or his friend circle. You might anticipate that some boys or girls in your child’s friend circle may harm your child. Or your child might get hurt emotionally because of those friends. But keep in mind, if you intervene in their friendship and compel your child to leave some friend, it might have a wrong impression on your child. In the future, your child might blame you. You should remember that every experience in childhood, be it friendship, be it love or be it heartbreak, every single experience is priceless to your child. Do not see it as something terrible if someone breaks your child’s heart. See it as a life experience, an experience that will mold your child’s choice of his future friends. Your child will grow one step forward as a human being. It would be best if you did not interfere in your child’s life until it is hampering your child’s study or health. You should be judicious in the matter, when you should interfere and when you should not.
Privacy in the adolescent period:
When your child is in the adolescence period, you have to be extra careful because, in this period, your child is always under emotional turmoil. He/ she will still feel some relationship problem, be it with his friends or teacher or even with you. In this sensitive period, do not ever impose your ideas and opinions. It would be best if you did not autonomously direct your child’s life. You always have to have your child’s back in a sense that you will listen to your child, you will give weightage to your child’s opinion. Your role is not that of an imposer, but a backstage maintainer.
Privacy in adulthood:
You should always give your children privacy when they become an adult. Always remember that they have their way of pursuing their lifestyle. Your only concern should be whether they are achieving their goal or not. For example, you should not force that your child should have to study at least 8 hours a day, or they should not play cricket during exams. Always remember that if your child has that confidence that he/she can wrap up his/her study in 6 hours or does not move from his focus even after playing cricket, you should not burden him/her with your way of studying.
Just one thing to remember, giving your child personal space does not mean you should not be bothered about what is happening in his life. You should always be there for your child. It would be best if you had a clear idea of what is happening in his/her life. Every time your child is going through some emotional crisis, try to talk it out. If he/she does not want to talk, that is also ok. But never be that parent to whom your child in the moment of crisis cannot turn to, even if they want to.