You are probably scrolling through the net and reliving last night’s quarrel. Yes, you did make a mistake and being new to the relationship, perhaps you couldn’t gauge the situation and reacted abruptly. But that in no way means that he degrades you before one and states that this relationship was wrong and that he regrets it!! That hurt! After all, he approached you, and you both took time to know each other and fell in love eventually. Every relationship will have issues, but there are certain things your partner should never say to you.
Whether you are new to this relationship or have been in a relationship for years, mistreatment from either partner (irrespective of gender) is unacceptable. In this write-up, you will get a list of those red flags that you must pick out in a relationship and consider if you have a future in that.
Starting off –
Table of Contents
What things your partner should never say to you?
Say you had a massive fight, or maybe some disagreement over a specific thing, or something as trivial as an uncomfortable conversation. Opinions are bound to differ, but these things your partner should never say to you –
1. “Really? Remember the last time you did not listen to me? What happened?”
Sounds like you heard it just the other day and started blaming yourself for that. Well, that is one of the things your partner should never say to you. You had made a mistake, they had admonished you, and you both had supposedly moved on. You must understand that you are just as human and have made a decision that may not yield the desired results.
That, however, does not mean you will always make the same mistakes and are incapable of making a decision. Neither will your partner always be able to make the decision for you. Therefore, as your partner, his or her job is to empathize with you and understand how your emotions are working at that time.
What if your partner says – “How about discussing it? Last time there was an incident, let’s not repeat that this time.”
2. “Stop being so needy always; you are too sensitive.”
So what if you are, and what if you are sensitive about certain things? Not everyone is of the same breed, and therefore you might feel about certain things way more than others. That’s perfectly fine.
As far as considering being needy – well, that’s why you have a partner. To fulfill your emotional inadequacies at times and ensure that you are strong to fight for your rights.
Maybe he/she could have said – “Hey, I am busy right now. Can we discuss this at dinner?”
3. “Being with you was my biggest mistake!”
It was a decision that you both made on the basis of a choice – to stay together. No relationship will come minus its share of bumpy rides. While you are exploring your relationship, maybe, in the course of time, you will realize that you both are not as compatible as you thought. But that’s a mistake that both of you made – so how can it be just one person’s fault?
Rather he or she could just put it as – “I think there’s something amiss in our relationship; what if we both sit down and talk more about it? Perhaps we will get some respite.”
4. “Grow up!”
This ranks as one of the highest on the list of things your partner should never say to you. What does that mean? Yes, it might happen that you are not getting a specific point, or maybe you are having a tiff over some ‘apparently unnecessary’ topic, but that does not mean you are childish. Surely, you could have a different way of looking at things.
Rather he/she could have just said – “This is not how I look at it, let’s cross-check our perspectives; maybe, that will work out.”
5. “That’s why your past relationship did not work”
It did not work, and there were many reasons apart from that attached to it. There’s no need to scratch the wound. Period! Yes, your current partner knows that you had a bad relationship in the past, and there were some issues from your side as well. But that’s all in the past; why bring it to the present? It’s not like he/she is without their share of faults. Putting your self-respect up to be traded is not acceptable.
Your partner could have just said it like this – “Perhaps you are making the same mistake again. That is not needed. We need to sit down and discuss the issues.”
6. “I’m busy; I don’t have time for this (expletive)”
This comes in the list of things your partner should never say to you. Yes, your partner can remain busy, and so can you. But that does not mean that every time this will be the excuse, and that too with an expletive. Indeed, your partner can suggest taking up this discussion at another time. Also, using expletives like to and fro in a relationship is unacceptable.
Your partner could also state – “This is not the correct time to discuss it. I am too worked up. Let’s talk later.”
7. “Was this not the reason you lost your job?”
Losing one’s job is similar to losing one’s identity, almost. There could be a multitude of reasons why you lost your job, and as your partner, rather than empathizing with you, they do not need to salt your old wound. That is not expected of their conduct.
Your partner could have just said – “You have made this mistake before, and that was a huge loss. Think about it again and then make a move.”
8. “I wish you were more like (name)”
This is one of the multiple other things your partner should never say to you. Comparisons are a complete NO-NO in a relationship (ofcourse, you should avoid them always). Every individual is distinct, and that’s where their beauty rests. To be in a relationship with that person is a choice that you have made. Hence, comparing any person with another is one of the worst ‘below the belt’ hits that your partner can give you.
Your partner could always state – “This is a bad quality that you have. It’s alright. Why not try to become better? That will help you pull ahead from the setbacks.”
Why is discussing this so crucial?
Did you even think that these could be the things your partner should never say to you? In most cases, neither of the partners is aware technically that these are ‘unhealthy’ comments and could be the death knell for your relationship. Having said that, we have to give everyone the benefit of the doubt since not all come from similar backgrounds. Hence, it would be best if you allowed the concerned parties to correct their mistakes.
Hence, you need to discuss this with your partner and tell him or her that these words hurt your self-respect and the relationship. To amplify your relationship, you need to have ‘uncomfortable’ conversations like these.
Is there any remedy?
As you have read through the list of things your partner should never say to you – and also have become aware of the issues that are causing this, how about looking for a remedy? After all, it is a given fact that no one is perfect, and if you wish to maintain the relationship and work towards bettering it, you both will have to take some steps the same.
Here’s a list of remedies that you both may try as a couple to work towards a better future –
- Firstly, make your partner register about the things your partner should never say to you. Then you can take up the discussion from there.
- Sit down and talk. As they say, there’s nothing that talking cannot solve. Hence, you need to speak out about the problems between you and make your partner register that he cannot pass comments like that. Ensure that your partner understands that they have made a mistake.
- Apart from talking with your partner, if you wish to go ahead with your relationship, despite knowing those things your partner should never say to you, which he has unfortunately – seeking therapy can be of real help. These are professionals who have dealt with such cases before, and they know precisely what the problem is and assist you in working toward that.
#Just a suggestion – If things are getting out of control and the relationship is becoming toxic, please think about your relationship again.
Now that you are aware of the things your partner should never say to you, we sincerely hope you will be able to retain your mental peace better and protect your self-respect by fighting back. Not every love story is a bed of roses; neither is any relationship perfect. However, if a relationship does not have trust, mutual understanding, and respect – it is better to quit it as soon as possible (if you both are not ready to work towards it).
You can always keep scrolling through this website if you want such relationship advice.
Monalisa Mukherjee is a content writer and copywriter with close to 3 years of experience. She has written for websites like Biography Talk, Contour Cafe, He And She Fitness and Fiction Pad. She is currently associated with a noted Digital Marketing Agency and specialises in writing articles for travel, entertainment, cooking, celeb, lifestyle, tech, health, fashion and film news.