Is your partner never satisfied in bed? Has she/he been constantly wanting attention, even when you are at your low? Does a discussion with them mean – they will emotionally withdraw? Well, these are red flags!! Perhaps you are in love with a narcissist! In simple terms, they are people who need the spotlight on them constantly and consistently and give themselves excessive importance. You must boost their ego constantly and be a ‘yes man’ to their needs. For the record, there are a couple of weird things narcissists do sexually as well, such as sexually and emotionally manipulating their partners.
This post today will share with you some of these classic ‘narcissistic sexual acts’ and how you can get some respite from them. We will also try to answer some of the most common queries that people have regarding this context.
Table of Contents
What weird things narcissists do sexually?
Here are some of the weird activities that narcissists can resort to to satiate their own sexual needs –
1. They are completely self-obsessed
One of the weirdest things that narcissists do is – being self-obsessed. For them, their sexual preferences matter only. Sex is a union of two bodies and souls. Hence, the needs and demands of both parties are important. However, with a narcissist, it is only their fantasies, their looks, sexual preferences, and demands that matter. The other person is simply a tool for their pleasure.
2. You have to constantly praise them
A crucial part of sex is – praising each other genuinely. However, when having sex with a narcissist, you have to constantly admire them. It is all about ‘showy physical’ importance that matters to them. If, as a partner, you are not constantly praising them or boosting their ego, even in the act, they tend to get angry and frustrated.
3. For them, sex is a tool for manipulation
One of the multiple weird things narcissists do sexually is manipulate their partner. They use sex as a means of controlling their partner, manipulating them, and getting through their demands. They devalue their partner in bed, and you cannot set boundaries with them since they tend to express their dissatisfaction and anger towards you.
4. Their sense of entitlement regarding sex
For a narcissist, sex is more of a demand than a feeling. They do not consider the aspect of ‘consent’ as important, and they feel entitled to their partner’s body. Your attempts to restrict access are met with frustration and negation.
5. Lack of emotional intimacy from their side
Their selfish nature and constant requirement for self-validation make them lack emotional intimacy. Sex is merely a tool for them, and they can easily detach from the experience. Sexual experience with them is hollow!
6. Fantasy matters over reality for them
Narcissists are more about fantasy over reality – when it comes to sex. Multiple pieces of research have shown that their addiction to porn or an ‘out-of-the-world’ set-up is such that they wish to assert a sense of control in real-time sex as well. For them, it is not the sexual experience but the sense of dominance that matters. If you are not giving them that, they will get angry.
7. They tend to gaslight their sexual partners
Gaslighting their partners is one of the weird things narcissists do sexually. They make their sexual partners question their thoughts and project their beliefs onto their partners (sexual and otherwise). This, at times, ranges into coercing their partners to do something and making them feel guilty if they refuse to comply.
8. Emotional and sexual withdrawal as punishment
To emotionally and sexually withdraw from your partner and thereby punish them is another act that narcissists indulge in frequently. If their demands are not met, or if they are frustrated with you, then they use this technique to manipulate you. This way, you cave into their demands, and they have an ultimate upper hand in the relationship.
9. Using the sexual past of partners against them
Amongst many issues, using the sexual past of partners and devaluing them is another of the weird things narcissists do sexually. This is another of the manipulation techniques that they indulge in to take back control of their partners and disregard their demands.
10. Never ready to have a talk
One of the best keys to unlocking an amazing sexual experience is to talk it out with your partner. Sex is a two-way street act, where both have to indulge and ensure that they give each other pleasure. At times, if you are uncomfortable with certain sexual advances or preferences, it is best to talk it out with your partner. That helps you both have better and more enjoyable sex the next time.
However, amongst many others, one of the weird things narcissists do sexually is have no conversation about it. Whether good or bad, they are extremely sensitive to criticism and in no way can handle the fact that they could be any less in bed. Also, they are wired in a way that prevents them from accepting anything said about them. This is why if you try to point out something about your sexual encounter, they are not prepared to have a discussion.
How does this impact your sex life?
Many wouldn’t believe it, but these weird things narcissists do sexually can impact your sex life to a great extent. There have been multiple cases wherein the victims of a narcissistic individual have faced –
- A sense of self-invalidation and a constant shame in accepting oneself as they are.
- Periods of low self-confidence, a constant secrecy to the near and dear ones.
- Massive fall in sexual interest, especially concerning the narcissist.
- Constant body/image issues. A sense of feeling ‘never good enough.’
- There have been instances where they have not been able to trust their future sexual partners.
- Extreme cases have resulted in permanent scarring, trauma reactions, and even PTSD.
Thus, people who have shared sexual relations with such narcissistic partners have had a long-term mental breakdown. Seeking therapy, in this case, can help you heal from this traumatic sexual encounter.
How to get respite from this manipulation?
As you have seen for yourself the list of weird things narcissists do sexually, it is now time for some serious discussion. How do you get a respite from this manipulation? After all, a healthy sexual life is a necessity when it comes to taking a relationship forward. But if you have a narcissistic partner whose world revolves around the ‘Me/Myself/I’ functionality, what do you do? Here are some coping techniques –
End the relationship as soon as possible
That relationship, where you are emotionally and sexually exploited, gaslighted, and humiliated – needs to end! When two people are indulging in sex, it is supposed to be celebrated and not coerced. The needs of both entities are crucial. If you understand that your partner has been sexually manipulating you, it is time to walk away.
Seek professional help
Once out of the relationship, you need to seek a therapist who has particular experience in dealing with sexual trauma. The constant feeling of putting someone down and negating their preferences results in lowering one’s confidence levels. It is only through professional help that you can get past this phase.
Establish healthy boundaries
For the survivors of sexual trauma, it is time to establish your boundaries. You must set limits on people who trigger you. Start saying no without feeling guilty. Surround yourself with non-judgemental people who bolster your confidence.
Be kind and patient with yourself
Surviving those weird things narcissists do sexually is no joke. At times, you may feel completely lost and tend to be unkind to yourself. You may beat yourself up for being stupid or be harsh on yourself for not recognizing the red flags. However, you must understand that coping with sexual trauma is a difficult process, and you will need time to heal.
Parting thoughts
To have sex with your partner is one of the most pristine expressions of love. However, if by chance your partner is a narcissist or has such tendencies, then you must be aware of the weird things narcissists do sexually. As you have read for yourself, how demeaning all these activities are and how they can affect your mental health. In such cases, you must get out of that relationship and seek professional help at the earliest. Also, there are multiple credible therapists with whom you can connect to deal with the side effects of such issues.
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FAQ
1. Can a narcissist really love you?
The biggest concern about a narcissist’s love for you is that – it is conditional. They do feel a sense of attachment, but that is extremely self-centred, with a constant lack of empathy. Despite the ‘so-called love’ that is there, it is always about their wants and demands that matter, while your feelings are left behind. Also, it has been found that since long-term relationships require extreme understanding and empathy, the chances of a healthy love life are less in this case.
2. How does a narcissist seduce you?
Multiple researches have shown that seduction is one of the weird things narcissists do sexually to lure you. They will care for you, flatter you, and charm you off your feet! You will be love-bombarded and showered with the choicest of gifts and attention. It is one of their tactics to have you over to their side.
3. Can you have a healthy sexual life with a narcissist?
Given their nature, it is difficult to have a fulfilling and healthy sexual life with a narcissist. Their sex life is more about serving their own needs versus others. Hence, you have to be passive in this sexual encounter.
4. Are all sexual acts of narcissists manipulative?
You have to understand that – it is in the nature of a narcissist to put their demands before others, come what may. They do not consciously manipulate their lovers but, instead, use sex as a means of control. Their self-validation tendencies can make an act of sex (which is to be enjoyed by both) extremely self-serving.
Monalisa Mukherjee is a content writer, copywriter and editor with 4 years of experience. She has written for websites like Biography Talk, The Rich Net Worth, Contour Cafe, He And She Fitness and Fiction Pad. She is currently associated with a noted Digital Marketing Agency and specialises in writing press release, guest posts, articles on travel, entertainment, food recipes, celebs, lifestyle, tech, health, and fashion.